Thursday, November 1, 2007

My crazy Story Pt. 2

Well, it was Halloween yesterday. Thats as much as I will say about Halloween. Now, on to the important stuff. Here is part two of my epic tale of how Tom Cruise and the Queen of England tried to take over the world. If you haven't already, read part one first.

Before launching an attack, the Queen decided to negotiate a surrender just for laughs. So she traveled to America once again. Upon landing in Washington D.C, she requested a private chat with Bush and Cheney. "You see, the thing is every country in the world hates America," she said plainly. "If I was to rule, I could make a few changes." Cheney responded by shooting her. Again. That was the last straw in a package of very few straws. The Queen went back to England, and launched the first attack on America.

What followed was the most terrifying event in America history. Chaos broke out as an army eating....genetically engineered....Michael Moore clones began attacking innocent people in Florida. Soon they spread out, eating everything in sight and wreaking havok all throughout the country. No one was safe. People trying to get out of the country by plane were too late-the clones had taken over the airports. All traffic was stopped, and navigating the streets was difficult. Some people tried to flee to Mexico, but to no avail. Having heard about the attacks, the Mexican border patrol made sure no one made it past the border. Ironic, isn't it? The clones had taken over, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop them. If only there was someone brave enough to somehow get to England and stop the Queen...But who?

George Bush.....was not going to be one of those people. A day after the attacks began, he was eaten by a clone while trying to escape through the back window of his house. Tragic as it may seem, all hope was not lost. For in the midst of all this chaos, three heroes rose to the occasion.

Oblivious to all that was going on outside, Arnold Schwarzenegger was busy working out in his private gym. A little bit on the chunky side due to his term as governor, he was trying desperately to get back into shape. One of his biggest challenges was maintaining a proper Ass-Mass ratio, which he was measuring just before his frightened agent ran in and gave him the frightening news of the frightening events going on outside. Arnold turned on the TV and saw Cheney delivering a statement saying that it was Tom Cruise and the Queen who had launched the attacks. Arnold knew that it was up to him to once again defeat evil and save the world. But first, he would have to assemble a team to help him in his quest. And so, gathering a large assortment of baked goods, he headed out to find the only two people he knew who could help him: Lindsey Lohan, for her amazing ability to disappear by turning sideways, and Hugh Grant, to translate.

Finding Lindsey wasn't difficult. After searching through some malls and shopping centers, he accidentally found her when he tripped over a rock and fell near a crack in the ground. It turns out she had fallen through it a week ago, and no one noticed. After helping her get out, Arnold told her it was up to them to stop the invasion at it's source. She agreed, and they quickly set out to find Hugh Grant, while at the same time evading hordes of fiendish clones. By the time they got to Hugh's house, Arnold had thrown his last donut. Hugh let them in, and Arnold told him of his plans to stop Tom and the Queen. Hugh agreed to help, and this unlikely team of heroes began their journey to England.

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