Tuesday, October 16, 2007

A timeless classic

How Tom Cruise and The Queen of England Tried to Take over the World - Pt 1

It all started on quiet Saturday morning. The Queen of England had flown in to Washington D.C to discuss international affairs with the President. At the same time, Tom Cruise's new movie Misson Impossible III premiered in theatres. All was going well until Bush suggested he and Cheney take the Queen on a hunting trip. Seeing as it was a Saturday and the Queen didn't have any other plans, she agreed. That's when it all started. First Bush offended the Queen when he asked if she had any "wang money" he could add to his coin collection. And then he started "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". Needless to say, it all went down the crapper when Dick Cheney shot the Queen. His excuse? From far away she looked like a mountain lion. Anyone would be furious if they got shot, and the Queen was no exception. After extensive facial reconstruction surgery, she packed all her things and stormed off back to England. The next day, she declared war on America.
Things weren't going well for Tom Cruise either. MI3 didn't do so well in the box office, and Tom's image was further soiled by his antics on 'Oprah', where he ate an entire sofa cushion. Angry at the world and with nothing left to lose but his dignity, Tom decided to take over the world and make everyone follow Scientology. But first he had to figure out a plan. So he gathered all ten followers of Scientology and told them his idea....He was on his own from then on. What would he do without his followers? Tom had to think. So he went to his house, gathered a bunch of random crap and started rearranging it into different shapes. First he made a T. Then he made a P. Finally after several more attempts he made a Q. Thats when his ceiling collapsed onto his head and, after extensive facial reconstruction surgery, Tom decided to join forces with the Queen and take over America. And so Tom packed his bags and flew to Germany. Then he realized he was in the wrong place and a day later finally arrived in England. The Queen was highly guarded, so Tom had to utilize all the skills he learned from making his mission impossible movies to break in. After several failed attempts to recreate the stunts he did in his movies, Tom realized that this was real life. So instead he simply went in through the front door. Conveniently, the Queen was a big fan of Tom Cruise's movies and let him in. Tom was glad to meet the Queen and didn't waste any time getting to business. After some tea and crumpets, Tom laid out his plans for the Queen. This is what his plan consisted of so far:

Planz to take ovr the Wurld by Tom Cruise
Step 1. Take over World
Step 2. Profit

And with that, they began their takeover.


Zhu said...

Pretty funny piece ! A good read with my morning tea... you're bookmarked ! ;)

Gary said...

Hey, thanks. Part two will be coming soon.