Saturday, December 1, 2007

School Rules the way they should be

School Code of Rules and Regulations


Dress Code:

- Girls- Dressing like a whore or stripper is unacceptable. If any girl is found dressed this way, she will be dealt with privately in the principle’s office.

- School girl outfits are acceptable.

- Fat girls are to be fully clothed at ALL times. Violation of this rule is a level 3 felony and will have to be taken up in court.

- Guys can dress however they want. We don’t really care.

Drugs and Alcohol

  • Use of drugs or alcohol on school grounds is prohibited. Any drugs or alcohol confiscated by a teacher are to be disposed of in a trash bin near the teacher’s lounge.
  • If you bring one joint to class, you must bring enough to share with everyone. Not doing so will result in a letter sent to the parents requesting that the student not be sent back to school until he/she brings enough for the whole class.
  • Chemistry class is not for mixing drinks unless it is for educational purposes only, such as the affects of various types of alcohols on the body. Leftovers may be shared with other teachers. Keep the baking soda clearly labeled as baking soda, so as to not confuse it with crack.
  • Any syringes confiscated by a teacher are to be given to the school nurse for proper disposal.

Bullying

  • Shut up and get over it. This isn’t kindergarten anymore. If anyone is bullying you, get a gun and shoot his ass.

General Code of Conduct

  • Servicing oneself in the hallways is a level 2 felony. Anyone spotted engaging in such an act by a camera will be escorted into a private room by a staff member and may continue under proper supervision and video surveillance.
  • Public displays of affection are acceptable only if it is girl on girl.
  • Nun jokes are to be told in the presence of nuns. If they think the joke is funny, then it is ok to tell the joke to your classmates. Failure to comply to this rule will result in your name being printed on the “Sinners” list.
  • Public displays of anorexia are unacceptable. Eat a sandwich and get your life together.
  • Calling someone gay is unacceptable without substantial evidence. Once the evidence is properly examined and the accused is found to be truly gay, you may post his name on the “Sinners” list on the bulletin board in the main hallway.
  • Voicing your opinion is prohibited. This is not a democracy. Conform to the rules like everyone else and keep your damn comments to yourself.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can have the best virtual strippers on my taskbar.