Incredible Cats and Online Marketing

Just a quick post, I really really need to update here more often. For some reason I just never have the time. Well, lately I've been experimenting with internet marketing and making money online, and I recently made a Squidoo page for my crazy jumping cat, Murzik. Hopefully by posting a link to it here it will be indexed faster by google. Who knows, it is worth a try I suppose. If you are interested in checking out the page, you'll find some pics and videos of my cat, and I will probably update it with some new stuff down the line. So here it is, Incredible Cats.

Why Make Money Online?

Have you lost your job and have no idea what to do now? Not to worry, there is a solution which will get you more money than you have ever made working 9-5. Thinking of going into Retail? Don't bother! Retail is crap, trust me, I have been there. Here is a way to make tons of money, all from the comfort of your own home, where you can be your own boss. Well, what do you have to lose? Making money online is probably the best job you could ever have. You can set your own schedule, work at your own pace, and never have to answer to anyone ever again. I too am in the process of making money online, and it is a great experience. Thousands of people are doing it, I am doing it, and you can do it too.
Think about it. You will never make it in life if you don't take any risks. Simply take the risk, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Its like they say, you need to spend money to make money. Consider it an investment for your future and the future of your family. It is not an easy road, but then again nothing comes easy. If you are still reading at this point, then you are ready to take the next step into a new and more full filling life. Simply Click Here and soon all of your dreams will come true!

What is the Formula for Success?

Alright, I've been thinking a lot lately. Which is good, because I don't get to do too much of that most of the time(hence the lack of consistent posting). What is it I have been thinking about you ask? The formula for Success(Ok, I guess that was obvious from the title). Why do some people become millionaires, and others retail workers? What does it take become more than average, to do what you want in life and be happy? What does it even mean to be successful? Maybe some people are just lucky. Perhaps they simply have something that we don't. Like that smart kid in class who gets A's on every test and always knows the answer to every question.

And then I realised something. It's exactly that kind of thinking that gets you nowhere. Accepting what you have and thinking you will never be able to achieve more. Its like when you look at a seemingly impossible math problem and just accept that you can't figure it out. You give up before you even try, or you try and then give up because you can't figure it out at first. So, what must you do to be able to achieve your goals? Beleive you can do it. Remove the doubts and blocks in your mind that tell you you can't. Only then will you be able to move forward. And if you fail the first time, don't accept defeat. Keep trying until you get it. Never think to yourself, "this is impossible". By doing so, you have already failed.

This is stuff you probably heard or read somewhere else, or figured out for yourself already, but you still haven't gotten anywhere. I feel that the best way to start is to work on little challenges. Try something you have never done before, so you can feel what it is like when you are able to master it. I did this with a rubix cube. Many people have one but have probably never been able to solve it, because they see it as mysterious and impossible(or they are just too lazy to learn how to do it). I decided to challenge myself by learning how to solve it. So, I looked it up online, practiced everyday when I had some spare time, and what used to take me an hour I can now do in about three minutes. All it took was looking up the formulas, applying them, and then memorizing them so I could solve it quickly.

So, here is your first challenge. Learn to solve the rubix cube in three minutes or less, without having to use a cheat sheet. And then from there... well, anything is possible. I guess the three main parts to success are as follows:

• Set your goals
• Beleive you can do it
• Never give up

Oh crap....Ok, thats the end of my rant. I just remembered I have a bunch of papers I need to write or I'm screwed. Peace.

A new blog about the Mistakes we make

Recently I started a new blog on my own domain, called The Blog of Failure . It's basically about all the mistakes, dumb and stupid things people do. My goal is to turn this into a large user submitted blog, where people provide their own stories of the mistakes they have made. Its very new now, with a couple submissions from real people. So, if you happen to stop by this page and find this post, check out my new blog! The submissions there so far are a great read, and feel free to submit a story of your own to share with everyone else. Hmm.... thats pretty much it.

How to really ace your Target Interview

Well, the time has finally come for the real post about acing your interview at Target. This is not a joke this time, and I will truly try and give you some helpful tips and advice. Alright, you are sitting here right now, thinking "I have an interview at Target, what do I do now"?. My position is this, if I was able to do it, then so can you. Also, just remember that its only Target. If you don't get this job, there will be plenty of other interviews at other stores. So don't lose too much sleep over it.

Alright, I don't want to make this long and boring, so I'll just go over some basic stuff. First of all, dress nice and don't be late. You don't need anything fancy, all I wore were some pants and a blue collared shirt. Don't be the person who comes into the interview in baggy jeans and a T-shirt, and a bout an hour late. That's what one guy did and I didn't see him after that.

Obviously, you are stressing most over the interview itself and the types of questions that will be asked of you. Many of the questions are similar to those you had to answer on the computer during the application process, but in an open ended format. The interviewer reads a question, and you have to answer as best you can. This may seem a bit scary at first, but hey, if I was able to pull some stuff out of my ass, so can you. A lot of the questions are pretty basic:

• How did you deal with a problem
  
• Many times I was asked to recall some sort of situation, and how you dealt with it
• A question on why you applied for the job
• Some workplace situations

The thing to remember is just to use your common sense and take your time in coming up with an answer. Look the interviewer in the eyes when speaking, and just use a conversational tone. Appear confident and friendly(remember Targets moto, "fast, fun and friendly") and you should be fine. And as always, just relax. The interviewer is a human, just like you, and won't harm you in any way.

It may be best to apply during the holiday season, because of the extra help that's always needed. The downside to that is you might not be able to keep the job, because it is considered seasonal.

And one more thing, just in case you are wondering, yes, you do have to take a drug test.

Alright, hope that helps, and good luck in your job endeavors.

Procrastination....My kryptonite

As you may or may not have noticed, I have been putting off this post for a long time. I will be writing on here more often for my own personal benefit and to keep track of stuff. So.. lets see, whats been going on. Well, Tuesday I have a test ahhh fudge. I really should be doing something else right now. Like studying for that test. Oh yeah, I have decided to make a list of goals. This should help me accomplish more in life. So far, I have

1. Stop procrastinating
2. Grow a mustache
3. Grow a beard.
4. Shave the mustache
5. Let the mustache grow back, this time shave the beard
6. Read a book

Lets see... I have already done numbers 2, 3, and 4. Looks like I'm off to a good start.

What else is going on... Some thoughts on my job I guess. Well, I have been getting kind of annoyed lately with people who complain about being asked for ID when purchasing alchohol. It isn't my fault they changed the system. We have to ask everyone now for either ID or a date of birth. Some people get offended, and I am not sure why, so I reasure them that they are clearly very old. Sometimes that doesn't go over very well. With most people. All the time. Now I just tell them I am have face blindess and can't see age. That didn't work for that sex offender but maybe it'll work for me. With the ID stuff I mean. Not.. the other thing. Alright, thats all I have for now, maybe something new tommorow.

Yet Another post about not posting

Since no one reads this, I have decided to use this blog more like a personal journal as well as for keeping a record of my bowel movements. This will also be the last time I will be addressing the reader. From now on, I will be typing as if I am speaking to myself. Starting......now. Ok, Gary. I'm not sure why, but for some reason you felt it was necessary to get up at 2:33 am and start typing in a blog that hasn't had any posts in it for months. I know you wanted this blog to be successful, but its kind of late for that now. You gave up on this project a long time ago, when your internet stopped working for a few days and you forgot you had a blog. So? Like I said before, I just want to use this as a journal of sorts, to write stuff down, whether people read it or not. And I'm going to start using a lot more profanity, too. Like "bitch", and "shit" and "fuck" and "assface". Expect to see a lot of those words, especially assface. See? I used it twice already. Assface. Thats three times. Dang...there has been a weird smell following me all day since I used the bathroom. I will have to make note of it, as it may have something to do with my several abnormal bowel movements today. Maybe it isn't me though. We made soup earlier today. Maybe it is giving off a weird shit smell for some reason.Dang.... I hope no one has been secretly shitting in the soup. Fuck.What if this isn't the first time? Oh my god.... We make soup almost every week. How long has this been going on? Bitch. We have all been eating someone's shit soup and didn't even know it. Who could be doing this? Grandma? Hmmm.... I have sometimes suspected her of defecating in other dishes, but not literally though. As in "Grandma, this tastes like crap, did you shit in this?". My mom then? No, she has been ill for quite some time now, and as far as I know, has not taken up shitting in our food as one of her newly found stay-at-home hobbies. My dad then? No. Then it must be a neighbor. A neighbor must have been sneaking into our house and secretly shitting into the soup. Damn. Thats just not cool. Oh well, I don't like soup anyway. Ok, Gary, its almost 3am now. You should really be getting into bed by now. Even your ass is falling asleep.Ok, fine. I'm done with this post. Good night.

This blog is not dead!.....yet

Heh, I almost forgot this was still here. Well, after a long break I have decided to continue the blog. Its a new year, which.... doesn't really mean soo... yeah. Check back for updates, and check out my live video, most days starting at around 8-9pm Eastern time.

Another one of my awsome comics

Long Face

School Rules the way they should be

School Code of Rules and Regulations

Dress Code:

- Girls- Dressing like a whore or stripper is unacceptable. If any girl is found dressed this way, she will be dealt with privately in the principle’s office.

- School girl outfits are acceptable.

- Fat girls are to be fully clothed at ALL times. Violation of this rule is a level 3 felony and will have to be taken up in court.

- Guys can dress however they want. We don’t really care.

Drugs and Alcohol

• Use of drugs or alcohol on school grounds is prohibited. Any drugs or alcohol confiscated by a teacher are to be disposed of in a trash bin near the teacher’s lounge.
• If you bring one joint to class, you must bring enough to share with everyone. Not doing so will result in a letter sent to the parents requesting that the student not be sent back to school until he/she brings enough for the whole class.
• Chemistry class is not for mixing drinks unless it is for educational purposes only, such as the affects of various types of alcohols on the body. Leftovers may be shared with other teachers. Keep the baking soda clearly labeled as baking soda, so as to not confuse it with crack.
• Any syringes confiscated by a teacher are to be given to the school nurse for proper disposal.

Bullying

• Shut up and get over it. This isn’t kindergarten anymore. If anyone is bullying you, get a gun and shoot his ass.

General Code of Conduct

• Servicing oneself in the hallways is a level 2 felony. Anyone spotted engaging in such an act by a camera will be escorted into a private room by a staff member and may continue under proper supervision and video surveillance.
• Public displays of affection are acceptable only if it is girl on girl.
• Nun jokes are to be told in the presence of nuns. If they think the joke is funny, then it is ok to tell the joke to your classmates. Failure to comply to this rule will result in your name being printed on the “Sinners” list.
• Public displays of anorexia are unacceptable. Eat a sandwich and get your life together.
• Calling someone gay is unacceptable without substantial evidence. Once the evidence is properly examined and the accused is found to be truly gay, you may post his name on the “Sinners” list on the bulletin board in the main hallway.
• Voicing your opinion is prohibited. This is not a democracy. Conform to the rules like everyone else and keep your damn comments to yourself.

Live Broadcast on Monday!

Hey all! I will be doing a live broadcast Monday(nov. 26) at around 3pm EST, so do stop by and check it out. Seriously, it'll be worth it. I'll have jokes, stories, lots of randomness and even a special guest, so don't miss it!

New! I am going to do live broadcasts!

Hey, anyone that is reading this. I am going to try out something new I haven't seen a lot of bloggers do. From time to time I'm going to go live on my webcam, and you can see it right here on my blog, at the top of this page. This is going to be pretty fun to try out. For anyone on the blog now, can you see the video? Also, I'd like some feedback as to what I can do. Right now I have just been talking about a whole bunch of nonsense, really. Hmm... Thats all really, enjoy the live video!

A depressing poem of sorts

I'm not much of a poet, but its 12:25 am right now and I really want to post something compelling and thought-provoking. Something that really represents the human condition. So, here it is.

A Depressing Poem of Sorts

By Gary

I’m so depressed I could beat a cat,

With my metallic baseball bat.

I could walk down the street with pants on my head,

And chew on a piece of poisonous lead.

I’m so depressed I could walk out on my job,

And hang with my friend, “special needs Bob.”

Life means nothing, to me anymore

Because I found out my mom is a whore.

How I aced my job interview at Target/drug test

A few days ago I got a call from target for an interview. So I went in and things went pretty well in my opinion. These are some of the questions I was asked and my responses to them.

Interviewer - Why do you want this job?
Me- Well, lets just say my current living arrangement depends on it. Seriously, if I don't get a job my parents will kick me out of the house. Think about it. Would you want me getting kicked out of the house on your conscience?

Interviewer - Tell me about yourself. What are your good qualities?
Me- Well, I can read, I don't have any mental illness, I'm not an alcoholic, and I have good hygiene.

Interviewer - Think of a time when you got into an argument with someone. How did you handle it?
Me - As far as arguments go, I like to be non-confrontational. I like to rationalize, you know, get to the root of the problem. Like this one time I got into an argument with my friend. I decided it was best not to make things worse and I simply agreed with what he was saying. The next day I slipped some drugs into his food right before he was going in for a drug test. He failed the test and was fired from his job. He's uhh... He's not doing so well right now. Apparently addiction runs in his family.

Interviewer - I see...And where did you get these drugs?
Me - Who?

Interviewer - Right.. Never mind. Ok, think of a time when you were working in a group, what was your role in the group or how did you contribute?
Me - There was one time when me and a group of friends tried to break into my neighbor's house. My role was to serve as a lookout at the door and see if anyone was coming. Eventually I saw someone coming so I ran like hell. My friends got arrested for breaking and entering.

Interviewer - Describe a time when you helped someone who needed help even though they didn't ask for it.
Me - Hmmm.... can I tell you about all the times I didn't help people who did ask for it?

Interviewer - Think of a time when you had to make a change you didn’t like, what was it and how did you deal with it?
Me - Well, one time my family was preparing for a fancy event and my mom told me to change my pants. I felt the ones I was wearing were just fine and did not require changing. I refused to change them and my parents went without me.

Interviewer - Think of a time when you were in a group and someone wasn’t doing their part, how did you handle it and what happened?
Me - Ok. There was one time when we had to do a project for school, it was a video project. And every time we had our meetings to do the video, one person would not show up. So eventually I had to call him and tell him to haul his ass over or he was out of the group. He was uhh.. pretty heavy on the mind altering substances at the time.

Thats all I can remember from the interview. They thought it over and felt I was perfect for a position as cashier. All that was left was doing a mandatory drug test. So, the next day I drove over to the lab and did the test. Some interesting things I noticed. First, the lady made me empty my pockets before going into the bathroom. Why is this necessary? Does she think I secretly have a vile of clean urine stashed in my pocket? Yeah, I keep a couple viles of frozen urine in my freezer just for these occasions. Well, I emptied my pockets and she handed me the cup, telling me in a stern voice "you have three minutes." This scared me for a second. What if I can't provide in three minutes? What happens then? I really don't like to be pressured when it comes to stuff like this. Bathroom time is the only time I get to just relax and enjoy some quiet. Lucky for me, I had finally mastered the ancient technique of urinating on command, and filled the cup to the minimum level, saving the rest for later. And thats basically whats been going on the past few days. I am waiting now for them to call me and give me a date for the next orientation.

Weird Art

I've decided I'm going to try something new, which I like to call 'weird art'. Every week I am going to make some sort of weird or abstract thing, call it art, and post it here. For anyone reading this, participation is encouraged. Have some fun and unleash your creativity for once! Make something random and crazy, send it in and I'll post it here, along with a link to your blog or website if you have one. Anything can be considered art, as long as you put a little effort into it. So, here it is, the very first piece of 'Weird Art'.

I bet your cat can't do this

This is a video I took of my cat on my cellphone a while ago. I don't let him go outside anymore.

How cool are you? Take this survey and find out!

This is a survey to find out how cool you are. Answer every question with a 1 for Yes or Agree and a 2 for No or Disagree.

How cool are you?

1. You like to listen to rock music -
2. You have over 50 friends -
3. You pee sitting down -
4. You have a friend(thats a dude) who pees sitting down -
5. You have a friend that tells you he pees sitting down -
6. You like to intimidate old people -
7. You are intimidated by old people -
8. You wear a leather jacket all the time, regardless of the situation -
9. You like the smell of coffee in the morning -
10. The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.-
11.Peter piper picked a pickled pecker pepper porcupine(say it five times fast.)-
12. A pie in the sky is a fly in your eye(I don't know what this means either) -
13. You like to lick mysterious stains -
14. Testicles. This made you laugh -
15. You have Britney Spears exposing the doors to her baby chamber as your desktop background -
16. You have more than 50 greenlit articles on Fark.com -
17. You spend more than 10 minutes on myspace -
18. Toilet -



To find your total score, use this formula:

B is your score for all the odd numbers, A is the even numbers, and C is 2.

What does your score mean? It means you have just wasted 5 minutes of your life on the dumbest survey ever. You are now 10 IQ points dumber for having taken this survey.

P.S - Now you must send this to 15 other people within the next 24 hours. If you don't, a leprechaun will break into your house at night and rape you. Seriously. Don't ask me how I know this.

Weird Phobias

I was bored today so I decided to look up some phobias, and I sure found some weird ones.

Doxophobia- Fear of expressing opinions
Joe-"So Bob, whats your opinion on this?"
Bob-"I'm afraid I can't tell you Joe."
Joe-"Oh come on, I won't be offended."
Bob-"No really, I have a fear of expressing opinions."
Joe- "Yeah? Well you weren't afraid to tell everyone you thought my wife was sleeping around with other men".
Bob -"Well, that was a fact."

Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness
"Its nothing personal. He is just afraid of you because you are ugly."

Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors
A sure sign that whomever has this must be a vampire.

Chronomentrophobia- Fear of clocks
Salvador Dali's painting makes sense now.
His painting is clearly an expression of the
nightmares he had about clocks as a child.

Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge
Wow, you would have to be pretty stupid to have this fear.

Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news
Doctor - Jeff, I have something to tell you.
Jeff - Yes, Doctor? Is it about my wife?
Doctor - Yes, I'm afraid I have some good news.
Jeff - Oh, god, no!

Eurotophobia- Fear of female genitalia
I wonder how the treatment for this one works. "You must face your fears John....."

Geniophobia- Fear of chins
Jay Leno must be the ultimate monster for anyone that has this fear.

Lockiophobia- Fear of childbirth
Can men have this?

Menophobia- Fear of menstruation
.....Can men have this?

Proctophobia- Fear of rectums
"And what do you see in these dreams?"
"Rectums, everywhere!"
"I see...."

Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons
What the heck is a walloon?

Well thats it. I hope you enjoyed reading it. There are tons more, I just found those to be particularly interesting.

Classmate speech Evaluation

Speech Topic - Sparta

Use of Visual Aids:

I think the visual aid was pretty effective. It was a video clip from the movie “300”, which was a damn good movie in my opinion. The action sequences were pretty awesome, and I especially liked the fat guy with the crab hands who decapitated everyone. That guy was badass!

Introduction:

Quite honestly, his introduction was awful. His attention getter was crap. It barely got my attention at all. Now, if his attention getter was literally a piece of crap, then that would have been totally nasty. What he should have done was yell “This is Spartaaaaaaaa!” And then proceed to stab the nearest person with a javelin. Now that would have been some attention getter. That also would have been a great way to connect with the audience. In this way, the audience could relate to the fear that a Persian might have felt just before being stabbed with a javelin in battle. He also established his credibility and previewed his main points, none of which I paid any attention to.

Body:

The main bulk of his speech was so boring, I had to jab myself in the neck with a pencil just to keep myself awake. Now I have an infection. The only interesting thing about his speech was when he stepped away from the podium and everyone noticed his zipper was open. That must have been embarrassing. And he noticed it too, because after he stepped back behind the podium he tried to nonchalantly slip one hand behind the podium to zip up his pants while holding his note cards in his other hand and talking about the Peloponnesian war. And yes, he cited his sources and all that other crap

Conclusion:

In conclusion, this is one of the worst speeches I have ever heard. He talked in such a slow monotonous voice I thought I could feel time slowing down. His eye contact was alright I guess. What he could have done though, was to get those cool eye contacts that make your eyes look like cat eyes or something. That would have been pretty neat. He had barely any sort of conversational tone. He was about as enthusiastic as Steven Hawking talking about anything.

Overall Delivery:

I already discussed this. No need to do it twice.

Rating:

Overall, he did a really great job…in putting me to sleep. I would give this speech a -2 out of 10. He never yelled “This is Spartaaaa!” which is something I would have expected. The only good thing about his speech was the video clip he showed, which technically doesn’t count as part of his speech.

Words of consolation

Uhh.. Just disregard my previous post for anyone who has read it. And if you are reading this first, don't even bother scrolling to read the next post. Just skip it entirely. Instead, enjoy this crappy little comic I just drew in MS Paint.